14 Ways of Looking at a Disappointing Meal

I.

So many hippies died in rooms like this. So many white girl Instagram feeds look like this. Wood slatted benches, a forest of hanging plants filtering sunlight and refracting dust. Aba, Cabra, or Andros? Blindfolded and dropped in, you couldn’t be sure.

II.

You do not want your wife’s birthday to be a disappointment. You know that new (to you) restaurants are a risk for big occasions. And yet, you roll the dice. Still you maximize your chances. You do due diligence. Everyone you know says Andros Taverna is great.

You know it is named after a Greek Island, but as a child of the nineteen-nineties, all you can think of is the “cream” and the “clear”, aka Andro, aka Androsterone, the steroid juice that fueled the Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds home run factory. But, the big paper and the big magazines agree, this is the best restaurant of 2021. The chef worked for Ducasse.